Marriage is a massive step. Before walking down the aisle, step back and be honest with yourself. Making a marriage work takes more than love—it’s about partnership, shared values, and navigating life’s challenges together. To help you reflect on whether you’re ready for the next step, ask and answer these questions.
1. Is This Relationship Helping Me Grow into My Best Self?
A relationship should amplify who you are, not diminish you. Do you feel like you’re evolving, empowered, and becoming the best version of yourself, or are you shrinking to fit into his world? The right partner will inspire you to grow, support your ambitions, and celebrate your unique qualities. They should be someone who lifts you up rather than making you feel small or unworthy.
Word of Advice: Regularly check in with yourself. Are you still pursuing your dreams, hobbies, and personal interests? If not, it might be time to reconsider the balance in your relationship. Your partner should encourage and support your growth, not inhibit it.
2. Am I Safe to Be Completely Vulnerable?
Emotional safety is essential in any deep and meaningful relationship. Can you open up about your fears, insecurities, dreams, and flaws without feeling judged or dismissed? True intimacy means being fully accepted for who you are, including the parts that may not be convenient or easy for your partner. Vulnerability requires trust, and trust is built on emotional safety.
Word of Advice: If you’re hesitant to share your true feelings, try to open up in small ways first. Gauge his reaction. A partner who responds with empathy and care is someone you can safely be vulnerable with.
3. How Do We Handle Conflict When It Counts?
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how you both navigate disagreements is crucial. Do you feel heard and respected during arguments, or do disagreements spiral into personal attacks or unresolved tension? Healthy conflict resolution involves both partners being willing to listen, compromise, and come to a mutual understanding without resentment or lingering negativity.
Word of Advice: Pay attention to how often small arguments turn into big ones. If you’re both willing to compromise and find resolutions without bitterness, that’s a good sign of healthy conflict resolution.
4. Are We Building a Shared Vision of the Future?
Being in a relationship means not only enjoying the present but also working toward a future together. Have you talked about your long-term goals, including family, careers, where you want to live, and the lifestyle you both envision? If you have drastically different ideas about these important aspects, it could cause friction down the road. It’s essential to know early on if you share similar aspirations so that you can both be aligned on what the future holds.
Word of Advice: Have these conversations early and revisit them regularly. Goals and dreams can change over time, so make sure you’re always aligned in your vision for the future.
5. Can He Be My Rock When Life Gets Hard?
Life is unpredictable, and challenges will inevitably come your way. In those moments, a true partner stands by your side and helps you carry the load. Can you count on him when things get tough, or do you often feel like you’re left to face difficulties alone? A solid partner will share responsibilities and support you emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically through tough times.
Word of Advice: Observe how he reacts during small stressful situations. If he offers comfort and solutions or simply stands by your side during difficult times, that’s a great sign of future support.
6. How Does He Treat Others When No One’s Watching?
You can tell a lot about a person’s character by how they treat people who cannot offer them anything in return. How does he behave around waitstaff, strangers, or people who might challenge him? Is he kind, respectful, and considerate, or does he display impatience or dismissiveness? These seemingly small interactions can provide valuable insight into his empathy and character.
Word of Advice: Take note of his behavior in everyday situations. Someone who consistently treats others with respect is likely to maintain that empathy in your relationship.
7. Can We Have Open Conversations About Money?
Money is often one of the biggest sources of tension in relationships. Have you had open and honest discussions about how you both handle finances? It’s not just about having enough money but understanding each other’s financial habits, such as spending, saving, and managing debt. Financial compatibility is key to avoiding conflict down the road, especially when major life decisions like buying a home or starting a family come into play.
Word of Advice: Schedule regular financial check-ins where you openly discuss your spending habits, savings goals, and financial concerns to avoid future conflicts.
8. Do We Share the Same Core Values?
While having different interests can keep a relationship exciting, shared core values are the foundation of a strong partnership. Values like honesty, loyalty, integrity, and respect should align for the relationship to be successful. If your core beliefs about important issues such as family, faith, or morality clash, it could lead to significant challenges when tough decisions need to be made. Assess whether your values are truly compatible.
Word of Advice: Take the time to discuss your values openly and honestly. Understanding each other’s core beliefs early on can help you navigate challenges together with more clarity.
9. Can We Laugh Together Even When Times Are Tough?
Humor might not seem like the most important aspect of a relationship, but the ability to laugh together—especially during difficult times—can make a world of difference. Laughter can relieve tension and strengthen your bond when things get tough. Couples who share a sense of humor are often better at navigating life’s challenges together, as they can find joy even in the hardest moments.
Word of Advice: Make sure you both find joy in each other’s company. Shared laughter during tough times is a sign that your relationship has a solid foundation of friendship and emotional resilience.
10. Am I Truly Excited to Grow Old with Him?
Infatuation is fleeting, but marriage is a lifelong commitment. Can you genuinely see yourself growing old with him? Are you excited about the thought of spending decades together, supporting each other through life’s various phases? Think about how your relationship will evolve over time—beyond the romantic honeymoon phase.
Word of Advice: Visualize your future together beyond the present day. Does the idea of growing old with him fill you with excitement or concern? The answer can help guide your long-term decisions.
11. Can We Build a Family Together—With or Without Kids?
Whether or not you want children, building a family—whatever form that may take—is a crucial part of marriage. It’s important to have clear conversations about what “family” means to both of you. Whether it’s children, pets, or simply the life you build together, you should be on the same page about how you want your family dynamic to look.
Word of Advice: Be clear and open about your desires regarding family, whether it includes children or other meaningful forms of family. This clarity will help avoid potential conflicts in the future.
12. Does He Respect My Boundaries?
Mutual respect for boundaries is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Does he honor your personal space, respect your time, and take your “no” seriously? Boundaries protect your emotional well-being and are necessary for maintaining independence and a healthy dynamic within a partnership. If he struggles to respect your boundaries now, it could be a red flag for future challenges.
Word of Advice: Pay attention to how your boundaries are respected early on in the relationship. Consistent disregard for your boundaries can be a sign of bigger problems down the road.
13. Are We Willing to Compromise When It Matters?
Marriage is built on a foundation of compromise. Both partners must be willing to bend sometimes but also know when to stand firm on important issues. A relationship can only thrive when both people feel like they are heard and neither person is sacrificing too much for the other. Practice compromise in smaller situations now to see how well you both handle give-and-take.
Word of Advice: If compromising on small things comes naturally, it’s a good sign you’ll handle bigger life decisions with mutual respect and cooperation.
14. Will He Stick Around When Things Get Messy?
Life is messy, and challenges will arise. The question is, will he stick around when things get difficult, or will he walk away? A truly committed partner stays to face the storm with you, no matter how tough things get. Think about how he has handled past difficulties—did he stand by you, or did he retreat?
Word of Advice: Look back on how he’s handled adversity in the past. If he’s been a steady presence, it’s a sign that he’s committed to staying by your side in the future.
15. Do I Love Him for Who He Is Today?
It’s easy to fall in love with someone’s potential, but true love means accepting the person as they are right now. Do you love him with all his current flaws, quirks, and imperfections, or are you hoping he’ll change? Marrying someone with the hope that they’ll become the version of themselves you want is risky.
Word of Advice: Take a moment to assess whether you’re in love with who he is today. Marrying for potential often leads to disappointment when expectations don’t align with reality.