Friendships are supposed to feel good. Your friends should be supportive, genuine, and always have your back. But sometimes, people who aren’t as loyal or sincere as they seem enter our lives. If you’re questioning a friendship, here are 15 warning signs that someone may not be a true friend. If these sound familiar, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
1. You Feel Zapped After Hanging Out
One of the clearest signs your “friend” is not a friend is how you feel after hanging out with them. If you feel emotionally drained, anxious, or down on yourself after spending time together, it’s probably time to run. True friendships should leave you feeling supported and uplifted, not depressed and exhausted.
2. They’re Intimidated by Your Honesty
Honestly should be the foundation of every healthy relationship. If you can’t be open and honest with your “friend” without them getting defensive or upset, it’s not a good sign. A real friend values honesty and wants to hear the truth about your feelings, even when it’s uncomfortable.
3. Their Envy is Obvious
When something wonderful happens to you, they’re either uninterested, unavailable or downplay your achievements. A true friend will be genuinely happy for you and celebrate your wins like their own. On the other hand, these green-eyed monsters will make you feel like your successes aren’t a big deal.
4. They’re Conversation Stealers
Conversations with these “friends” are usually one-sided, so expect to listen and advise more than share. If they never seem interested in what’s going on with you, it’s a sign they might not be as invested in the friendship as they make out they are.
5. They’re Ghosts When You Need Them
A true friend shows up in the good and the tough times. They give you their time and always offer emotional support. If your “friend” is always MIA when you’re going through something hard but expects you to drop everything when they need you, it’s not a balanced friendship.
6. They Reach Out When They Want Something
If your “friend” only hits you up when they need a favor, and you barely hear from them otherwise, it’s a major red flag. Real friends check in because they care about you and want to know what you’re doing, not just when they want or need something.
7. They’re in Competition With You
Healthy friendships should be about encouraging each other, not engaging in an all-out competition. If your “friend” is always trying to one-up you or acts jealous of your accomplishments, they’re more focused on comparison than connection.
8. They Gossip About You Behind Your Back
If you’ve heard from others that your so-called friend is talking about you behind your back, that’s everything you need to know. True friends, don’t spread rumors or share your closely guarded secrets. They are fiercely loyal and protective.
9. They Guilt-Trip You for Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries is healthy in every relationship, even friendships. But if your “friend” makes you feel bad for needing space or time to yourself, they are disrespectful and probably an energy vampire. A real friend respects your limits and doesn’t guilt-trip over anything.
10. They Try to Hold You Back
A true friend always has your back and is your biggest cheerleader. They want to see you grow, evolve, and slay in life. If your “friend” discourages you from chasing your dreams or tries to hold you back, they want to keep you stuck. This could be because they are insecure and jealous and don’t want to lose control.
11. They’re On Again Off Again
If they’re your best friend one day, and they’re distant or unreachable the next, they don’t prioritize you or your friendship. If their friendship feels unpredictable and unreliable, they aren’t fully invested and will always ditch you when something better comes along.
12. They’re Quick to Hurl Criticism
While constructive criticism is part of any healthy relationship, if your “friend” is always pointing out your flaws or putting you down, they are toxic. They can’t give you support or praise because they have an inferior complex and feel better when they tear you down.
13. They Intentionally Exclude You
If your “friend” has a habit of leaving you out of plans or “forgets” to invite you to group hangouts, they could be using you. True friends want to be with their friends and will go out of their way to make them feel included and valued.
14. They Have Zero Respect for Your Time
A good friend respects and appreciates your time and the effort you put into the relationship. They don’t deserve a place in your life if they’re always late, cancel plans at the last minute, or make you feel like a second option.
15. They Make Everything a Transaction
If every kind gesture you make is greeted with an expectation of repayment, that’s a sign your “friend” is keeping score. Real friends don’t keep tabs—the thought of who owes who doesn’t even enter their heads.