Have you ever wondered how some people seem to get what’s going on in someone’s head? While no one is a mind reader, understanding basic human behavior and psychological cues can provide surprising insights. Here are 10 straightforward tricks to help you read people better.
1. Ask the FBI
Former FBI undercover agent and author LaRae Quy says someone’s body language can give them away. “People have different quirks and patterns of behavior. For example, they might clear their throat, look at the floor while talking, cross their arms, scratch their head, stroke their neck, squint, pout, or jiggle their feet frequently. Initially, we may not even notice when others do these things. If we do, we don’t give it much attention,” she explains. “People display these behaviors for different reasons. They could be mannerisms. Sometimes, however, these actions could indicate deception, anger, or nervousness.”
2. Look for Micro-Expressions
Micro-expressions are like emotional leaks. These split-second facial changes—often unnoticed—can reveal true feelings before a person can mask them. For instance, a brief flash of disgust or a momentary smile can provide insights into genuine reactions.
3. Watch What Their Face is Saying
The face often mirrors the heart’s emotions. For instance, a tightened jaw might signal frustration, while rapidly blinking eyes could signify distress. Catching these fleeting expressions can give you a sneak peek into someone’s genuine emotions, especially those they might be trying to suppress.
4. Listen To Their Voice and Tone
The tone and volume of someone’s voice can tell a lot about their emotions. Sound frequencies create vibrations. Does their tone feel soothing? Or is it abrasive, snippy, or whiny? Active listening isn’t just about catching every word; it’s about comprehending the essence. A hesitant tone might show uncertainty, a fast-paced speech might betray nervousness, and a lower volume might reflect insecurity or sadness. Distinguishing these nuances can unveil underlying sentiments.
5. Remember Their Eyes Are Windows to Their Soul
Constantly darting eyes might hint at distraction or evasion, whereas direct, prolonged eye contact can showcase confidence, interest, or even challenge. Not only can the eyes reveal how someone’s feeling — whether they’re scared, angry, happy, or even turned on — but they can also show you whether or not someone is lying. A 2009 study from the University of Utah (via Scientific American) found that people who lie have more dilated pupils than those who were being honest.
6. Be Aware of Their Body Language
Body language is one of the most telling signs of a person’s feelings. Crossed arms might be an instinctual response to feeling threatened or anxious, acting as a physical barrier. Slouched shoulders could indicate low self-esteem or exhaustion. Body language expert Blanca Cobb, M.S., says sometimes it’s as simple as determining whether or not someone’s demeanor is “negative” or “positive.” Someone who tenses up might be seen as stressed or angry, while someone relaxed, leaned back in their chair, etc., could be seen to be more relaxed, happy, and trustworthy.
7. Gauge Their Reactions to Feedback
How someone responds to external feedback is a window into their self-perception. Those who brush off compliments might be battling feelings of unworthiness. Similarly, a defensive reaction to mild criticism can indicate insecurity or a fragile ego. Noticing these reactions can help tailor your interactions to be more supportive and understanding.
8. Assess Their Consistency
Inconsistencies in words and actions can be telling. Someone who promises but rarely delivers might be struggling with commitment or prioritization. On the other hand, someone whose actions align with their words showcases integrity and reliability. This consistent behavior fosters trust.
9. Check Out Their Fashion Sense
Observing someone’s approach to dressing and style choices can offer insights into their value, self-esteem, and priorities. Your clothes can also show how powerful, influential, and intelligent you are and how much money you make. Academics Mary Ellen Roach and Joanne Eicher reveal in their study “Dress and Identity” that how we dress is important because it’s how we send social signals to the world. That’s because we dress in ways that show off elements of our personality, our belief system, and taste.
10. Ask Curious Questions
An open conversation is a gateway to understanding. You can learn about a person’s beliefs, experiences, and viewpoints by asking open-ended questions and genuinely listening to the answers. How they handle topics, shift between them, or choose to share or withhold information, reveals more about their character and comfort zones.. Their willingness to engage or insistence on shutting down can be very illuminating and help you read people much more quickly.
11. Recognize Their Defensive Mechanisms
People often deploy defense mechanisms when they feel threatened or uncomfortable. If someone frequently changes the topic, gives vague answers, or uses humor to deflect serious subjects, they might be trying to protect themselves emotionally.
12. Decipher Their Sense of Humor
Humor can be revealing. Someone who often uses self-deprecating jokes may have a humble personality or low self-esteem. A dry sense of humor might suggest a cynical worldview, while those who prefer light-hearted or observational comedy might be more optimistic or detail-oriented. Frank T. McAndrew, Ph.D., writes for Psychology Today that sense of humor acts as a “social radar” that helps attract similar people to you, whether as friends or romantic partners. It lets you know what they find funny, whether they believe any topic is beyond joking, and how much they value having a good laugh. That’s pretty powerful.
13. Notice How They Respond to Stress
Pressure situations can strip away facades. A person’s reaction during challenging moments—whether they become confrontational, retreat, or seek collaborative solutions—gives insights into their coping mechanisms and emotional intelligence.
14. Look At Their Physical Habits
Repeated physical habits, like nail-biting, hair twirling, or foot tapping, can indicate emotional states. These might signify anxiety, boredom, or impatience. Recognizing these habits provides an additional layer to understanding one’s emotional state at a given moment. This may be baseline behavior that doesn’t indicate anything out of the norm. However, if the person doesn’t generally do this but does in certain situations, it can indicate unease they feel or lies they might be telling.
15. Observe The Dynamics of Their Interactions
Watching how a person behaves in group settings can be very telling. Do they dominate conversations or let others lead? Are they considerate of others’ opinions or dismissive? Their dynamics in group interactions can hint at their social confidence and leadership tendencies.
16. Pay Attention to Their Listening Skills
Is the person genuinely absorbing what others say, or are they merely waiting for their turn to speak? A good listener who engages with active feedback showcases empathy and genuine interest, whereas a passive listener might be self-centered or simply disengaged.
17. Take Note Of Their Time-Keeping Abilities
Regular punctuality can suggest a value for others’ time and an organized nature. Conversely, constant tardiness might indicate a more relaxed attitude towards commitments or possibly deeper issues related to time management and prioritization.
19. Check Out Their Social Media Presence
How someone portrays themselves on social platforms can be revealing. A carefully curated feed might suggest a desire for control or a particular self-image, while a more spontaneous presence might point to authenticity and openness. Someone who posts a lot and shares pretty much everything online likely feels the need for external validation, while someone whose accounts are locked wants to keep their circle small and share special moments only with those closest to them.
20. Trust Your Gut
Sometimes, our instincts capture nuances that conscious observations miss. While avoiding snap judgments is important, don’t disregard your initial feelings about someone. These intuitive responses often synthesize numerous subtle cues that we’ve subconsciously registered.