It’s easy to point the finger at other members of your family when your relationships are toxic. But, instead of shifting the blame, you must be willing to do a bit of self-reflection. Are you doing anything that’s making those family relationships more strained? Could you be the one overreacting or stirring the pot, even if you don’t mean to? If you see any of the following traits inside yourself, you might be the toxic one and should try to change your behavior.
1. You’re Known for Being Judgy
When you spend time with your family, you tend to find flaws and faults in them. You’re always nitpicking and telling them what they should be doing. Although you might say this is done jokingly, it’s not fun. It can make the atmosphere awkward while ignoring their strengths and positive traits. It leads you into a negative cycle, making difficult relationships even more strained.
2. You Struggle to Take Responsibility
If you’re toxic, you won’t want to take any accountability for your actions or the situation you’re dealing with. So, during a fight, you’ll only focus on what the other person has done without realizing that you could have contributed to some of the conflict. You also don’t apologize, always letting your family chase you down to make things right. It’s rare for one party to be completely wrong and the other to be right — there are usually many gray areas.
3. You Can Be Pretty Manipulative
When your sister doesn’t give you the money you requested, do you guilt her into feeling bad or doing what you want? Do you lie to your family members to get your way or to make them fight each other? You’re sidestepping open and honest communication to destroy your family bonds and make your family members feel like they’re chess pieces. It’s disrespectful and can turn your family against you.
4. You Love to Play the Victim Card
Do you always feel wronged by others? Although you might have good reasons to feel like your family is targeting you, it doesn’t help anyone to focus on your wounds and spend years nursing them. You’ve got to move forward to have healthier relationships, and you can’t do that if you’re constantly feeling like you’re being mistreated.
5. You Don’t Get Others Feelings
You regularly dismiss or ignore your family members’ feelings. Maybe you can’t seem to feel or imagine what they’re experiencing. This could be happening because you tend to focus on yourself. Flip the script by engaging with them and listening to what they say before rolling your eyes or changing the subject. It might surprise you to discover what they’re going through.
6. You Always Overstep Boundaries
It might be common for your family to lack boundaries, but this can make your relationships uncomfortable and toxic. If you’re constantly overstepping your family members’ boundaries, such as ignoring their need for privacy, this can lead to major conflict. It’s disrespectful to think you can make people do things you want without considering their needs.
7. You Stir Up Unnecessary Drama
You might stir up drama at family get-togethers or on the family group chat. Maybe you want to get attention, even if it’s negative, or you’re jealous of your family members’ bonds and feel left out. But this doesn’t do you any favors — it just makes the situation worse. And you can’t create happy relationships if you always make the day sour.
8. You’re Jealous of Family Members
Perhaps you’re dealing with feelings of jealousy and envy. Maybe you’re envious of your siblings’ achievements or resentful of how your parents never considered you their favorite child. These feelings can be heavy and toxic, so try to deal with them. Find your own self-worth instead of feeling like you’re not as good as your family. When you deal with your issues, you can see relationships with your family in a new light.
9. You Keep Your Family At a Distance
If you’re struggling to interact with your family, perhaps because you feel they don’t “get” you, you might keep them at a distance, whether physically or emotionally. Isolating yourself might feel good at the moment, but over time, it can deepen family wounds and make you miss out on opportunities to connect and build strong bonds.
10. You Don’t Let Things Go
If you’ve had big fights with your family or they hurt you, you might struggle to let the past go. Maybe you’re holding onto grudges and don’t want to forgive them for what they’ve done to you. But this makes it impossible for you to move forward and have a healthier future together. You should try to forgive them, and while you’re at it, try to forgive yourself! This could hold you back, so don’t stand in your way.