Is there someone in your life who always puts themselves first? They constantly drain your energy, break promises, and make every situation about them, all of which are signs that you might be dealing with a chronically selfish person. These people are incapable of seeing beyond their own needs, leaving a trail of hurt in their wake. Here are some of the tell-tale red flags to look out for so you can protect yourself.
1. They Make Everything About Them
They’re experts at turning every conversation back to themselves. Your problems are less interesting than theirs and a mere setup for them to tell a similar story where they suffered more. As for your wins, they’ll find a way to one-up you or minimize those too. They simply can’t (and don’t want to) see the world through anyone else’s eyes.
2. They’re Emotional Vampires
They’ll bleed you dry with their drama and negativity, but when you need a shoulder to cry on… crickets. Don’t expect them to be there for you unless there’s something in it for them – attention, a future favor, even the smug satisfaction of being the “better” friend.
3. They Think the Rules Don’t Apply To Them
They break promises, bail at the last minute, and expect forgiveness every time. Your time and energy aren’t as valuable as theirs, and they have zero respect for your boundaries. They’re chronically late, interrupt constantly, and get offended if you try to hold them to the same standards they hold everyone else.
4. They’re Master Manipulators
Selfish people have honed the art of getting you to do what they want. They’ll play on your guilt, feign helplessness, exaggerate their problems, and twist situations to make themselves the victim – and they’ll do it shamelessly.
5. Their Apologies Are Lame
Even if you get them to apologize, it’s usually insincere. They’re sorry they got caught, not sorry about the hurt they caused. Don’t expect their behavior to change — a half-hearted apology is just a way to avoid consequences and get back to their usual selfish ways.
6. They’re Experts at Deflection
Trying to hold them accountable? Good luck. They’ll turn the tables, blame YOU, minimize your feelings, or bring up some unrelated incident from the past to derail the conversation. Having a healthy discussion about their selfish behavior is impossible because they refuse to acknowledge it.
7. They Make Empty Promises
They make grand promises to help or change but never follow through. Their words are tools to get what they want, whether avoiding an argument or getting you to do a favor. They have no intention of keeping them and will act offended if you remind them of what they said.
8. They Dramatize Their Issues
Your crisis is barely a blip on their radar, but if the tables were turned? Expect a full-on meltdown. They have zero empathy unless it directly benefits them and often seem to get a perverse pleasure out of the misfortune of others.
9. They Engage in Passive-Aggressive Power Plays
They can’t express their needs directly, so they resort to silent treatment, backhanded comments, or deliberate sabotage. They might mysteriously “forget” a promise, agree to help, flake at the last minute, or make a snide remark to cut you down. It’s their way of maintaining control and avoiding honest communication.
10. They’re Emotional Black Holes
You try to offer support or encouragement, but it’s a one-way street. They’ll drain you emotionally and never reciprocate, using you as a therapist or punching bag but never genuinely listening. It’s all about fueling their insatiable ego; the second you need a helping hand, they’re nowhere to be found.
11. They Use and Abuse People
They see relationships as transactional. Can you do something for them – offer a connection, a favor, or a boost to their status? Awesome, you’re their new best friend. The second you can’t help, they’ll disappear or turn on you with surprising viciousness.
12. They Offer Help for Something in Return
They may go out of their way to “help,” but there’s always a catch. They want over-the-top praise, a favor in return, or leverage over you later. True generosity never occurs to them because they can’t fathom doing anything without getting something out of it.
13. They Believe Their Success Trumps Yours
They’re competitive to the point of cruelty. Celebrating your wins feels physically painful to them, so they’ll undermine you, steal credit, or try to make your accomplishments seem insignificant. They thrive on making others feel small, clearly — a true friend’s happiness wouldn’t threaten them.
14. They Think Everyone Else is the Problem
They are incapable of taking responsibility for their actions. It’s ALWAYS someone else’s fault – bad luck, unfair bosses, toxic exes. The world is out to get them, and they relish playing the victim, refusing to examine how they contribute to their own problems.
15. They Never Even Try to Change
Selfishness is baked into their personality. They don’t believe they need to change, and even if they see the error of their ways, it takes immense effort to break those deeply ingrained habits. You must accept that they will always put themselves first and adjust your expectations to protect yourself from disappointment.