The world of online dating can feel like sifting through an endless thrift store rack of questionable options. And some men don’t exactly make it easier with profiles. Women are swiping left on these cringe-inducing missteps faster than you can say, “Are you even serious?” Here’s a hilarious breakdown of 16 things women wish men would stop putting in their online dating profiles.
1. Shirtless Bathroom Mirror Selfies
Ah, the classic “look at my abs” shot—because apparently, women were clamoring for proof that you own a gym membership. Bonus cringe points if there’s toothpaste splatter on the mirror or a dirty towel in the background. Guys, save the thirst traps for Instagram. A normal picture (with a shirt on!) will do just fine.
2. Holding Up a Fish Like It’s a Trophy
Congratulations, you caught a bass! Sadly, most women aren’t swiping right for your fishing prowess. Ditch the fish unless you’re dating exclusively in a coastal town where fresh seafood is currency. It’s not saying, “I’m outdoorsy and adventurous.” It’s saying, “I have one personality trait, and it’s bait.”
3. Group Photos Where We Can’t Tell Which One You Are
Is this a dating profile or a Where’s Waldo puzzle? If your main picture is a lineup of five nearly identical dudes, we’re left wondering which one is you—and secretly hoping it’s the cute one. Pro tip: include solo photos where your face is clear, so we’re not guessing and giving up.
4. Bios That Say “Ask Me Anything”
Nothing screams “I’m lazy” quite like a bio that puts all the effort into someone else. Women want to know a little about you upfront, not write an essay trying to figure out who you are. Give us something to work with—a joke, a hobby, even your go-to pizza toppings.
5. Posing With Exotic Animals
Yes, we see the tiger you petted on that vacation to Thailand. And yes, it makes us question your judgment and commitment to animal rights. Wildlife encounters don’t say “adventurous”; they say “I’m trying way too hard.” Maybe stick to a pic of your dog instead.
6. Pictures of Your Car (or Worse, Just the Car)
We’re here to date you, not your car. Whether it’s a souped-up Mustang or a beat-up Toyota, we don’t need a glamour shot of it. Unless the car is literally a Transformer, it’s not a selling point. Let your personality, not your vehicle, do the heavy lifting.
7. Photos of Your Kids Without Mentioning Them
We’re all for single dads being upfront, but if you’re including photos of your kids, say something about them in your bio. Dropping their faces in without context makes us wonder if you’re hiding the fact you’re a parent—or if you borrowed someone’s child for clout. Either way, it’s a hard pass.
8. Endless Travel Pics
We get it—you’ve been to Machu Picchu. But if every photo is you in a different far-flung destination, it makes us wonder if you’ll ever sit still long enough to go on a second date. A couple of travel shots are fine, but mix it up with photos that show what you’re like in your everyday life.
9. Trying Too Hard to Be a “Nice Guy”
“Just looking for a girl who isn’t into jerks.” Sigh. It’s giving bitter high school vibes, not grown-man energy. Being nice is great, but broadcasting it like a badge of honor feels performative. Show us you’re kind through your actions, not a whiny line in your bio.
10. Using Your Wedding Photo
Nothing screams eligible bachelor like a picture of you…in a tux…next to your ex. Whether it’s from your own wedding or someone else’s, we don’t care. Wedding photos are a one-way ticket to the Nope Zone. Surely you’ve got something more current and less awkward?
11. A Picture of You and a Random Hot Girl
Why do men think this will work? Are we supposed to be impressed that you know an attractive woman? Or jealous? Either way, this screams, “I’m trying too hard to look cool.” Spoiler alert: it’s not working. Swap her out for literally anyone else—or better yet, just yourself.
12. Bios That Are 90% Gym Talk
We love a guy who takes care of himself, but if your bio is all about protein shakes, leg day, and your squat PR, it’s a bit much. Balance it out with something that shows you’re multidimensional. Otherwise, we’ll assume your ideal date is a couple’s CrossFit session, and we’re already tired.
13. Pictures of You at a Party With a Beer in Hand
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Cool, you drink beer. So does half the planet. If every picture of you involves a Solo cup or a craft brew, it makes us wonder if you have any hobbies that don’t involve drinking. One photo like this is fine. Five in a row? Not so much.
14. Posing With a Random Buddy
Who’s the guy next to you? Is he part of the deal? Why is he in half of your photos? If your best bro constantly flanks you, it makes us wonder if you’re looking for a girlfriend—or just someone to third-wheel your bromance. Solo pics, please.
15. A Bio That’s Just Emojis
Emojis are fun, but if your entire bio is a row of random icons, it tells us nothing about you. Women are looking for substance, not a puzzle to decode. Use your words—it’s literally the easiest way to show you have a personality.
16. Weird Flexes About Being “Low Maintenance”
“Just a chill guy, no drama.” Sounds harmless, right? Wrong. This is usually code for “I put in zero effort.” Women aren’t looking for someone high-strung, but if your vibe screams, “I’m coasting through life,” it’s not exactly enticing. Show some ambition, even if it’s just mastering your banana bread recipe.